Last week I found a podcast which I can’t stop listening to. It’s called “A doggy-dog world.”
Those who know me will know I’m pretty outspoken about what I believe in. As specially with dogs. These ladies are wonderful. It’s like I’ve found long lost friends.
Anyway in case you’ve been wondering what a podcast has to do with this blog entry, keep reading.
In July Brandt had to retire Farrel due to a couple of reasons. This was so very hard for us because we had to decide if we could keep him. 4 dogs in a complex. Will it work out? What about feeding walking and giving appropriate attention to everyone and so on.
We had a week of lots of “what if’s and “how would we’s” but in the end we decided he’s not going anywhere. And so we lived happily ever after. We could leave the 2 retired ones at home if we had to go out and everyone was happy.
About a month after this Rigby through a spanner in our wheel by getting Epileptic fits. We had to start all over again. Can we keep 3 special needs dogs? Do we have the money space and can we run our live s like this? In the end we decided we could and life goes on. Everyone’s happy. Rigby’s on meds and no more fits.
About 2 weeks ago Brandt found work. All is well. Lots of excitement. There is only 1 problem. Darrel cannot handle the fact that Brandt isn’t with him any more. Last week I still texted a friend and she asked if we are going to keep him now he’s retired. I loudly exclaimed “of course!”” Who thought only a week after we’d say goodbye to our boy. Granted he went to his puppy walker who love him just as much as we do. However I’m sure we’re going through the greeving process just as we would have if he had died.
The guilt is there in buckets. denial is quite big to. We can wait a while. He’s not stressing so much is he?
Then there is the anger. Why always us. Yes it’s not thinking logically but why do we have to get broken dogs.
The acceptance. He’s happy and they love him and as much as we tried I cannot give him what they can. Even knowing this, we are sad. A piece of our hearts are missing. I miss his dreaming. Counting seems to be a problem. I still catch myself getting 3 bowls or treats and then having to chuck 1 back in the container. Lil clearly misses him. She and Rigby doesn’t play as much as she and Farrel did. The house is quiet and miserable. Even as I write this, I know we’ve made the right choice for the golden goof.
So here we are back to the beginning. The podcasts. I’ve realised nothing is cookie cutter. Sometimes life doesn’t work out as you planned it. It’s up to you to handle the way it did.
So hopefully my boy doesn’t feel thrown away and I hope he never stops playing with his big brother. When he sleeps, I hope in his dreams, he will remember just what life used to be with us. He is one of the lucky ones. His family loves him just as much as we do and they were lovely to have taken him back. We will never forget him. He’ll visit us and his paw prints will stay forever etched in our hearts.